I recommend looking for the rack with the out-of-season clothes. This usually allows for many options in Marshall’s. As an example, today I ended up behind the shorts and t-shirts in the men’s section. I waded through ladies’ pants suits and the woefully inadequate shoe department and on to the rack with the shorts. It was here that I indulged. First it was nonchalant as my eyes darted back and forth. I started with the right knee and before I knew what I was doing I was scratching my crotch as if I were washing laundry in the river. Moments (or hours later) my eyes rolled forward again just in time to catch a horrified woman in her 70’s with a shopping cart filled with control-top fishnets. I smiled and slinked away.I suppose I should give some explanation beyond my baseline depravity. You see, one of the things they don’t tell you about with heart surgery is the shaving. The body shaving. For those that know me, you know that I’ve got a fair amount of body hair; more than average but far from Wookie. And if natural selection played out with hospital visits, those with less body hair would fair quite a bit better. For my operations my entire chest and abdomen was shaved, which I expected. What I didn’t expect was to have a 4 inch strip on the inside of my right leg shaved from the ankle to the knee. Both of my thighs, as high as they went, were also shaved. It seems they wanted to have access to the veins in my legs if the surgeons decided they needed them while they were inside me. Additionally, many of the tubes I had inside me were taped to my thighs so I wouldn’t accidentally pull them out if I rolled over. Inevitably the hair grows back in but not without its trials and tribulations.
And this is how I found myself in the clearance section of a discount retailer with my hands trying to satisfy an insatiable itch.
In all I was there 15 minutes. I was exhausted. I found Allison coming out of the changing room. She put Max and I in the backseat of the car and I went home to take a nap…and scratch.
~Joe
20 days post-op #1
7 days post-op #2
7 comments:
You are home. And that's what matters Joe.
Scratch your ass off if you need to.
;-)
"It really is a fact. The more you itch, the more you scratch..."
Welcome Home Joe.
All the Aubrey's have been rooting for you.
MA
Joe,
I'll bet that when you were in Cleveland on one of your 94 different diets enjoying the "tube of the day", you would have given your left anything to be in Marshall's tending to an itch, to sit next to your son on a car ride home or to take a nap in your own bed.
Relish these moments, the pleasure of scratching (without a nurse scolding you) and this extended time with your family.
And congratulations for getting your half bald legs out of Cleveland and back where they belong. We are thrilled for you and your family, and very relieved that you are ok.
Mike, Karen, Ryan and Anna
As a fellow wookie, I sympathize with your itchy situation. During your recovery you may wanna catch up on some old movies. Your leg shaving experience reminds me of a favorite...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078902/
Guess the good news is - you're feeling good enough to be out and about - way to go!! Enjoy scratching your itch and all those naps!!
Love to all,
Doug and Marge
I love that you are talking about other stuff. It means you are getting better. I am happy for you and the family. Keep smiling.
Joe, Al & Max,
Welcome back! It's great to hear you guys are home and enjoying life. Now we'll definitely have to start convincing you guys to come to SF for some down time.
Glad to hear all is well and we'll talk to you soon!
Liz
Post a Comment