In 9 days you’ll be having heart surgery. Not the “your arteries are clogged with sausage gristle and you bleed beef gravy” heart surgery, but the “you were born with an imperfection that you can blame on all the generations preceding you” heart surgery. You’re in better than average shape but running a few miles would have you breathing heavy. You don’t smoke, are relatively young and exercise at least 3 times a week though you’d be the first to admit that your intensity at the gym often matches that of your high school janitor’s enthusiasm for his job. So here is the question:
Do you get the cheeseburger?
Do you get the medium rare Neiman Ranch 1/3 pound, juicy beef burger with four strips of hickory smoked bacon, Wisconsin cheddar melting unevenly around the edge? The one with thick Bermuda onions, a slice of heirloom tomato that’s a deeper red than the ketchup and resting on a fluffy white bun dusted with flour?
Or…
Do you get the side salad?
Do you order the tasteless iceberg lettuce with julienned carrots, wrinkled cucumber slices and cherry tomatoes from a warehouse in Jersey City, NJ? Light ‘Italian’ dressing (on the side, of course).
The burger certainly won’t help matters, but when you’re looking at something like heart surgery, shouldn’t you try and enjoy every minute (and meal) you have? Because when I wake up, after the operation, I’m going to have a tube down my throat, IVs in my arm, a tube draining blood coming out of my chest, a catheter between my legs and a hang-over that you can really only get from having your ribs split open, your heart and lungs stopped and having a bunch of strangers playing Yahtzee inside your chest cavity for 4 hours. I won’t even have the appetite for those stupid F’ing cups of Jell-O that are found no where else but hospitals.
I’ll have the burger.
Hey, Dad, I understand now. I understand why a couple of years ago when your blood sugar was through the roof and you couldn’t get control of your blood pressure and you had to lose weight you said, “What’s the point of living if you can’t live?” And I’m sorry I was on you about eating healthier and losing weight. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you did, but I can truly empathize now.
Yes, I’m sure, I’ll have the cheeseburger. Does that come with fries?
~Joe
9 days left
4 comments:
I'm having one (a cheeseburger) for lunch, as a gesture of solidarity!
Go for the burger, and clean your plate!!
I have sent my mom the link to your blog, hoping it will inspire her to get to the doc for a check up, she has a MV prolapse.
She will probably write to you, get ready.
Talk to you soon.
-A
PS - Max is adorable!
I'll have a burger for lunch too. Oh wait, I'm a vegetarian. :-)
Why wasn't I invited for the Burger???
p.s. Joe is adorable!
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