2 weeks

It has been two weeks since the second surgery.

If anyone needs any beta blockers, ace inhibitors, iron supplements, acid reflux suppressors, diuretics, pain killers, swelling reducers or anything else, just let me know. The picture above is what I take each day for all sorts of things. When I test positive for steroids I will have an alibi. I’ve stopped taking the pain meds mostly because the pain is now bearable but also because they were giving me night sweats. At least I think it was the pain meds and not that reoccurring dream of the scary clown offering me parenting tips.

2 weeks seems to be the turning point. It was after the first surgery too. That is when I was the most ornery in the hospital. That is when I finally said, “I don’t want anyone touching me that doesn’t know what they are doing. In fact here is a list of the people that I refuse to have contact with.” This was the best thing I could have done, I just should have done it sooner. But that was then; let’s consider the here and now. Following is an inventory of what I can and cannot do at two weeks post-op:

I can walk around the block before becoming winded.
I can raise my arms above my head.
I can sleep more than 3 hours in a row.
I can spend 20 minutes on the phone with HP customer service before giving up.
I can dress myself and not just in gowns.
I can make a meal that consists of more than 2 ingredients (but not more than 4).
I can breathe somewhat normally.
I can fold laundry though I still don’t enjoy it.
I can sleep on my right side.
I can check email and occasionally regular mail.
I can read the NY Times but am a little slower than usual at catching the CIA leaks.
I can fit into my “skinny” jeans again now that I’ve lost about 12 pounds.

I cannot make small talk unless I know you well in which case we wouldn’t be having small talk anyway.
I cannot sneeze or cough without enduring brutally sharp pain in the center of my chest.
I cannot sleep on my left side or stomach.
I cannot walk the dog.
I cannot lift anything more than 10 lbs.
I have zero appetite for any fish.
I still cannot play the piano.
I cannot drive or sit in the front of a car.
I cannot feel my toes.
I cannot believe that they are already playing Christmas commercials. I feel bad for Thanksgiving.


~Joe

Surgery #1: 28 days post-op
Surgery #2: 14 days post-op